#CloneWarsSaved, or, A Poe Boy Hot Take

clonewarssaved

I’m not crying, you’re crying. Ah, look at that, now you’ve got me going. I guess we’re both crying now. So silly.

Have you heard the good news!? No, not that, the OTHER good news! I have a brand new Star Wars podcast, Poe Boys! Check it out on Podbean and Apple Podcasts!

It was a confluence of events that threatened to sour Star Wars, my great pop culture love, for me.

Solo: A Star Wars Story had performed poorly at the box office and thus any and all discourse to the film was relegated to everyone and their mother’s hot takes on what went wrong, rather than any sort of discussion regarding the contents of the actual film.

Unfounded rumors began to swirl that Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy would be resigning and that Disney was entirely scrapping any and all planned Star Wars anthology films.

It became impossible to forget that Solo and Star Wars were products, to the point that it began to feel as though that’s all they were.

Around the same time, Kelly Marie Tran, who played Rose Tico in The Last Jedi, essentially expunged her social media presence in response to the toxic little pigs that have coopted Star Wars fandom for their own racist, sexist agendas.

And of course who can forget the rogue band of fans offering/threatening to fund a remake of Episode VIII, a pursuit for which they claim to have raised… $400 million.

All this left me feeling like Star Wars fandom was something best left unengaged with, like politics at Thanksgiving. I felt like I’d been looking at Star Wars through rose-colored glasses and now my third eye had opened to reveal a dollar sign.

Look gang, I’m just trying to talk about the progression of heroism from Episode III to Solo and how that progression serves as a thematic bridge between the prequel and sequel trilogies, but it feels impossible to pry Solo out of its hardened fiscal resin!

And then San Diego Comic Con rolled around, and it was announced there would be a panel celebrating the tenth anniversary of Star Wars: The Clone Wars, and they showed concept art and talked about the development of the show and OH YEAH THE CLONE WARS IS COMING BACK BABY THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS HAPPENING THANK THE MAKER OH BOY OH BOY!!!

I don’t know that I’ve been as excited for a Star Wars announcement since I learned there would be an Episode VII.

The Clone Wars was what took me from a casual Star Wars fan most moviegoers could identify with to waking up at four in the morning in Orlando, Florida to wait in line for the Star Wars: Rebels panel at the last Star Wars Celebration. It is the beating heart of my fandom, and shortly after Disney acquired Lucasfilm Mickey buried a rusty axe in it, leaving untold stories in various stages of development and production dangling before fans’ imaginations, pesky what-ifs and what-could-have-beens just out of reach.

I’ve talked about it here one or five times.

I don’t remember if I wound up officially forgiving Disney for their flagrant transgression, but if I did I take it back, even in the face of the show’s eminent return.

#CloneWarsSaved rekindled my excitement for a franchise that seemed to be moving further and further from the contents of its actual stories and characters, not only because of the prospect of seeing more of my favorite show, but because of the fandom I saw on display during the panel at which it was announced.

Not every Star Wars fan is a Star Wars animation fan. We’re certainly a smaller subset of the sprawling audiences that flock to theaters for the live-action films. And if the panel in question is any indication, we’re also a subset that won’t immediately harass and berate creators and performers into digital oblivion because we don’t like the cut of their jib.

Perhaps because of that there exists a transparency, an openness between the creative forces that be and the fans of Lucasfilm animation that is not mirrored elsewhere in the Star Wars machine. Reading through The Art of Solo: A Star Wars Story, for instance, I found no mention of the directorial transition behind the scenes and how that may or may not have affected the art direction of the film. I’m not looking for juicy gossip mind you, I genuinely am curious about the creative mindsets at play and how the film’s art direction grew. But that’s unseemly and secret and even though anyone who’s buying The Art of Solo knows exactly what happened behind the scenes, we just don’t talk about it. Inversely, on the Clone Wars panel, Star Wars animation guru Dave Filoni openly jokes about episodes fans have deemed “filler” and story arcs that viewers were ultimately less than enthusiastic about. There’s an openness to the conversation in which fans are just as ready to dislike something as they are to like it and creators are ready to acknowledge those feelings playfully because it never devolves into the Thunderdome. It’s the kind of back-and-forth you get when a fan base isn’t littered with ointment-sullying maggots.

The return of Clone Wars doesn’t make me excited just for a dozen more episodes tying up loose ends, it makes me excited for a discourse that, for a brief moment, felt in danger of being beaten to death by bigots and bullies. For me, and my relationship with the multi-billion dollar juggernaut of a franchise, it isn’t just The Clone Wars that was saved.

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Star Wars Rebels Season Three, or, Oooooo Oooooo Growin’ Up

starwarsrebels

*laugh track*

Coming off of one of the GOAT achievements in Star Wars storytelling with its second season finale, Star Wars: Rebels’ third season launched the interquel animated series into adolescence in more ways than one.

Rebels has always been something of a Star Wars sitcom in that it revolves around a core family with parents and kids and a grandpa and family pet. This season the family dynamics began to shift as the kids, Sabine and Ezra, started to come into their own as young adults, leaving the rest of the family (and the audience) uncertain, annoyed and surprised by their developments. But beyond its characters, Star Wars: Rebels as show exhibited signs of maturation in its third season.

The more Rebels defines itself as an entity the more comfortable it has become in interacting with other clearly defined Star Wars entities. In a sense it’s like the show has gotten old enough to have play dates with other corners of the Star Wars mythos. Part of the excitement of season three was watching week to week as Rebels reached out and interacted with the Prequels, the Clone Wars, the Original Trilogy, the old expanded universe and now it’s closest sibling, Rogue One. With two years of fairly insular soul-searching under its belt, Rebels is now sure-footed enough to interact with other Star Wars stories without being utterly overpowered by them. By the time the season finale rolled around Rebels was actively, seamlessly consorting with elements from The Clone Wars, the expanded universe, Rogue One and the Original Trilogy.

Rebels may not be entirely out from under the shadow of its predecessors, The Clone Wars (never forget, never forgive, Disney), but Star Wars has never felt like more of a single, cohesive narrative than it does on this show.

Connective Tissue, or, Star Wars: Rebels Season One

As always I will preface this Star Wars piece with the declaration that I have still not forgiven, nor will I ever forgive, Disney for their unwarranted, unjust cancellation of my favorite television show Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I don’t care how cool Age of Ultron looks and I don’t care how Episode VII turns out! You can take my money Disney! You can even take my time, those precious seconds of which the symphony of my very life is composed! But you will never, ever have my respect! So good luck sleeping at night in your bed of ill-gotten billion dollar bills you sick sons of bitches!

So Star Wars: Rebels is pretty awesome.

BAWLIN

BAWLIN

The new animated series on Disney XD (here I spit on the ground in disdain) is something of a spiritual successor to Star Wars: Clone Wars (here I kiss my index finger and point to the sky) taking place at the tail end of the nineteen year period between Episodes III and IV. Where Clone Wars (here I send a canoe of DVDs and action figures down a suburban creek and shoot at it with flaming arrows) could take place anywhere in the galaxy and tell stories with any number of protagonists spanning the gambit from Jedis to clones to bounty hunters to assassins, Rebels is a far more insular show focusing squarely on the rebellious exploits of the crew of The Ghost, the youth in revolt against the monolithic, imperial occupation of the planet Lothal. But despite its relatively narrow scope, Rebels accomplishes a pretty daunting task, successfully serving as connective tissue between the prequel trilogy and the original trilogy.

Sure Episode III and Episode IV both have lightsabers and Tatooine and a guy named Obi Wan Kenobi, but in a lot of ways the two movies feel entirely disjointed. But by the end of Star Wars Rebels’ first season on Disney XD (here I bury a decimated stuffed Mikey Mouse in an unmarked grave and use a bowl full of old Surge to coax a stray dog into peeing on it) I finally felt like the two movies definitively took place in the same universe.

Kanan Jarrus, the primary Jedi presence on the show, is more a nomadic, mysterious Ronin then one in a rave of thousands of Jedi raving about with their lethal glow sticks and getting clowned by battle droids in the arena on Geonosis. And yet when Kanan lights his saber he brings with it the acrobatics and excitement of the prequel trilogy’s over the top battles.

LA FAMILIA

LA FAMILIA

The crew of The Ghost almost feel like the cast of a sitcom. Much like Luke and the gang they gel together like family. But like the whacky Jedi council they’re far more diverse then the largely white male human rebel alliance of the original trilogy.

Rebels also showcases an important switch between the heroes and villains of the Star Wars universe. The bad guys are no longer operating in the shadows. They’ve won. Their propaganda liters the streets and the airwaves. They no longer feel like the knife sneaking between ribs in the dark. They’re an empire. A mountain-sized fist seen coming from a mile away, but too big to dodge. Like that aforementioned lightsaber rave. In Rebels the heroes are forced to operate more discretely, to plot and scheme in the shadows as the sith once did. It feels like the logical missing step between Order 66 and blowing up the Death Star (spoilers!).

By the season one finale of Rebels the prequels, the original trilogy and even Clone Wars (here I pour out a majority of a 40) had never felt more connected and singular. It helps Star Wars feel as if it is finally under one umbrella. One huge umbrella, but a single umbrella nonetheless. And that’s super exciting because I have well-attuned priorities as a human being.

Rebels feels like the inexplicable missing piece that finally solves the puzzle I always suspected wasn’t quite finished. At least until Episode VII comes out.

 

 

The Lost Birthday, or, Clone Wars: The Lost Mission

Star Wars: The Clone Wars is one of my all-time favorite television shows. I’m a weirdo like that.

CAPTAIN REX IN DA HOUSE

CAPTAIN REX IN DA HOUSE

I didn’t catch a single episode the first season, but the show’s San Diego Comic Con panel between seasons one and two was televised on G4 and the footage they showed off gripped my attention and held it for the next four years. I was hooked. I scoured forums and fan sites and sifted through Google news for any scraps of information the show-runner Dave Filoni let out regarding future episodes.

Then, last year, just in time for my birthday, Disney announced the show’s cancellation after five seasons.

To hear some people talk about my reaction to the cancellation is like listening to a mental health professional explain the trauma behind the man in a strait jacket. It probably wasn’t that bad. Probably. But it was a stone cold bummer made all the more chilling by the fact that the final eight episodes of The Clone Wars were arguably the series’ best.

Thanks Disney. Way to “Let it Go.”

Bummed as I was you can imagine my delight upon hearing that this year 13 unaired episodes of the series would be put up on Netflix as a make-shift season six dubbed “The Lost Missions.” And in time for my birthday too!

The episodes went up several weeks ago. I sat down on my couch and watched all 13 in one sitting and when I was done I couldn’t shake the unmistakable feeling that something was missing.

Brought to you by goddamn Disney.

Brought to you by goddamn Disney.

At face value that emptiness is resolution. Those final eight episodes of The Clone Wars also left two massive, climbing-rope-thick narrative threads dangling in the wind and The Lost Missions didn’t so much as bat them around like a curious kitten. I would wager that of The Clone Wars sprawling, intergalactic cast a majority of the show’s fan favorite characters aren’t around for this 13 episode appendix.

But Filoni and crew can’t really be faulted for that. The Lost Missions is a bundle of the episodes that were closest to completion when Disney pulled the plug. When these episodes were being made they weren’t designed to be the end of the series, rather just business as usual. Which unfortunately means there are things the series was never allowed to get around to.

Filoni has since release several design concepts and sketches for the episodes of season six that never went into production. If you haven’t checked them out yet I’d almost be inclined to advise you not to, as all they did for me was cause my blood-feud with Disney to violently flare up and leave me with aches of what could have been.

Thanks, Disney.

Thanks, Disney.

But The Lost Missions’ straying away from my personal favorite story threads and characters isn’t what colored my viewing of the episodes the most. It was a lack of The Clone Wars.

That Clone Wars was canceled when it was and therefore ended on the episode it did made the final moments of season five all the more poignant and emotional in retrospect, knowing now that they are a goodbye to the series. Since that ending I haven’t visited those Star Wars forums and fan sites, or hunted down cast and crew interviews or speculated about the fates of my favorite characters. The fire of speculation that powered that engine burnt out last year. All of those activities were part of the Clone Wars experience for me, and when Disney pulled the rug out from under the show they pulled it out from under all of that too.

Unfortunately, through no real fault of its own, these last 13 episodes couldn’t rekindle that old fire.

There’s some great new stuff in The Lost Missions, particularly in the first story arc, but for better or worse The Clone Wars ended for me a year ago when Disney, knowingly and with malice and forethought, ruined my birthday.

How I hate you Disney. How I hate.

 

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Has a show you enjoyed that was canceled ever released material after the fact? Did that material live up to your expectations?

2. Has Disney ever ruined your birthday?

3. Where do they get off?

 

For more on Star Wars, The Clone Wars and my blood feud with Disney:

Star Wars Rebels speculation

Ahsoka Tano and women in entertainment

Ahsoka Tano, who I love, and Disney, who I hate to hell and beyond

Darth Maul and The Clone Wars

Deep Blue Sea and Feminism, or, Ladies are Cool Now

Full Disclosure: Mildest of spoilers for “The Last of Us” ahead.Fuller Disclosure: I’m a white guy.

When I was a kid Deep Blue Sea was the greatest film I had ever seen. What’s not to love about killer velociraptor sharks swimming around people places? But witty makos aside I distinctly remember being blown away by the fact that every female character in the main cast of the movie got totally obliterated.

I was a weird one.

Even at a young age I knew that women in movies weren’t supposed to get eaten (certainly not all of them at least), because women had their place in movies and it was rigidly particular. They were supposed to be sexily endangered and then rescued by a male costar. They were supposed to be “tough” and yet somehow simultaneously entirely nonthreatening. They were supposed to play an ancillary role in any climactic victory at the end of the movie. They were essentially very specific cardboard cutouts. But not in Deep Blue Sea!

She's a man-eater.

She’s a man-eater.

Just kidding.

Years later I found out that in test screenings of Deep Blue Sea Saffron Burrows’ character lived, but test audiences purportedly chanted “die bitch” and alas in the theatrical release die she did. Go democracy!

Point is, even as a ten year old whose only cinematic palette was animal horror I was excited by the prospect of not being able to fit lady scientists into prim and proper lady scientist boxes. Deep Blue Sea may have gone in the completely wrong direction with their female characters for the completely wrong reasons, but when that first lady scientist got eviscerated in a flooding chasm I realized I couldn’t just write off the remaining lady scientists because, for better or worse, they were actually being utilized for something other than the standard lady cutout. Sure, it was just a slightly different cutout with a shark bite taken out of it, but it was different.

Much like a super shark brain it was like parts of a story that had been long dormant and gray were now starting to light up and activate and over a decade later they’re firing up left and right. And finally headed in the right direction.

You guys, ladies are cool now.

It appears creative types across media are slowly but surely starting to realize that when you aren’t fully utilizing an entire half of your cast you aren’t fully utilizing your story. Creators are actively fleshing out their female characters and are producing far superior stories because of it. I’d call it the Cactus Effect, but I’ve never actually seen Hunger Games.

When I was a youngster the pink and yellow Power Rangers were a joke. They were dumb yo. And worst of all they were “girly” – so clearly made to check off a box on a demographic checklist that even as a five year old it was hard to ignore. Now on Saturday mornings kids can (could) see Ahsoka Tano, a young Jedi, kicking ass and taking names in The Clone Wars (RIP forever [I will never {ever} forgive you Disney]). Ahsoka isn’t a two-dimensional action figure commercial for girls. She’s a badass. Last time I checked Luke Skywalker never simultaneously decapitated four Boba Fetts. Just saying.

Movies are on their way too. Being a “strong female lead” used to eventually translate into being a “bitch” because god forbid anyone put more than two seconds of thought or creativity into what being a strong female means. Luckily that archetype is beginning to fall by the wayside in favor of women who are genuinely awesome in their own right, rather than just shapely conduits for faux testosterone.

AVIATORS.

AVIATORS.

Did you see Zero Dark Thirty? Jessica Chastain was absolutely incredible and her character was every bit as enthralling as Jeremy Renner’s in Hurt Locker, director Kathryn Bigelow’s previous film. When the credits rolled on Zero Dark Thirty (or 0D30 as myself and the industry have taken to calling it) I wasn’t picking my jaw off the floor and saying “boy she sure is badass for a lady,” I was saying “she sure is a badass.”

The place women really seem to be moving into the spotlight over the last year, however, is video games. No I’m not referring to your run of the mill Halo’s and Call of Duty’s, but a staggering portion of the most critically acclaimed games over the last year owe their quality to fully-realized female characters.

Tomb Raider serves as a perfect example because looking at series’ protagonist Lara Croft’s chest throughout her various iterations serves as something of an infographic for the trajectory of heroines in what are considered male-dominated mediums over the last twenty years.

In Crofts most recent outing she was much less an Indian Jones themed stripper than she was a recent college graduate shooting vicious wolves with flaming arrows while ensnared in a godamn bear trap. And it was freaking awesome.

Of further interest is a developing theme in video games that sees the pairing of an older down on his luck man with a spry younger girl who possess some sort of inherently extraordinary trait; a humanity in a world gone to hell, an immunity to a devastating plague, an inexplicable ability to rip the boundaries of space time apart molecule from molecule.

TellTale Game’s adventure game adaptation of The Walking Dead was a favorite amongst Best of 2012 lists. Bioshock Infinite and The Last of Us are undoubtedly going to be going toe to toe for 2013 honors. All three games achieve an undeniable emotional connection leaps and bounds above your average headshot hunt due almost entirely to their phenomenal female leads; Clementine, Elizabeth and Ellie respectively.

Can you argue that all three games see a dominant male figure escorting a lady about a dangerous world like an incapable wounded dove? Sure, knock yourself out. But playing through The Last of Us feels exactly nothing like babysitting. In fact it feels more in line with passing the torch: the grizzled, aging Eastwood-type guiding a new archetype into prominence, preparing his inevitable replacement.

Girl + Bow + Arrow = Badass.

Girl + Bow + Arrow = Badass.

It’s an exciting idea that promises new stories and new experiences from new perspectives and I hope against hope that it continues.

Without giving away too much, there’s a sequence in The Last of Us in which the aforementioned Ellie guides her wounded male counterpart Joel through an area swarming with hostile raiders. Joel is in bad shape. I instinctively mash the “run damnit run” button to no effect as he limps and trips and stumbles along. But, outnumbered in the face of a relentless foe, Ellie is spectacular. She runs ahead of Joel darting in and out of her surroundings and sinking lead into hearts and bellies and brains alike, her trigger finger ever-faithful whilst confronting certain death.

As I move Joel forward, slowly but surely, I realize I care more about whether or not Ellie survives than whether or not Joel dies.

Joel is a phenomenal character. I feel for him on every level. I intently listen to everything he says because everything he says is worth hearing. Joel is a blast to play, but I’ve played him before, I’ve watched him before and I’ve read him before. He’s John McClane, he’s Aragorn, he’s Jack Bauer, he’s Rick Grimes, he’s everywhere.

But Ellie? That girl is something else.

Rambling, Rampant, Irresponsible Speculation, or, Star Wars: Rebels

Spoilers for The Clone Wars ahead.

By the time I’d wrapped my trembling hands around the worn leather handle of the knife in my heart that was the cancelation of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and ripped the blade from my limp body the only sensation that survived was my singular thirst for vengeance. Disney will pay for what they have done, all in due time, be it through a strongly worded blog post or several strongly worded blog posts or several more witty, strongly worded tweets.

The Clone Wars marched the Star Wars banners forward into a new generation and revitalized a franchise that had been kept afloat largely by nostalgia and a handful of cool video games, comics and novels. This was due in no small part to the series’ supervising director, the fedora-clad Dave Filoni. Since heading up Clone Wars Filoni has becoming something of an ambassador to fans from a galaxy far, far away and, arguably, George Lucas’ creative heir apparent (eat your heart out Kathleen Kennedy, you know what you’ve done).

And it was Filoni who finally lured me out from my dank cave of malcontent when, a month ago, he posted an image of a sketch on Twitter with the caption “Hard to believe that I’ve worked at LFL almost 8 yrs, & this is the first time I have gotten to draw a TIE fighter.”

All my hopes and dreams, by Dave Filoni

All my hopes and dreams, by Dave Filoni

Oh shit.

It was easy to be optimistic. If Dave is in than so am I. But Disney had wronged me, egregiously so. While I was anxious for more information I wasn’t holding my breath.

Then, weeks later, the announcement came that Fall 2014 would bring a new animated Star Wars series, Star Wars: Rebels. The series is said to be set in the expansive nineteen-year period between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope. One can surmise the show will follow the escapades of the pre-Solo/Skywalker rebellion. An exciting prospect made all the more thrilling by the news that Filoni would be returning alongside Art Director Killian Plunkett and CG Supervisor Joel Aron. Anyone who has seen the making-of footage on The Clone Wars Blu-rays and DVDs (me, me, a thousand times me) knows how intense these guys, along with the rest of the Clone Wars crew, are when it comes to making a baller as shit Star Wars story. If Disney gets nothing else right with this new animated venture they at least nabbed a few of the right people.

So theoretically the pieces are all set for a solid successor to The Clone Wars. But we won’t really know until Fall 2014 so, amongst the violent flames of my rage, let the rampant speculations-turned-suggestions ensue.

If Disney ever wants to get off of my shit list, and believe you me they do, a key move going forward will be the exact timeframe in which Rebels is set.

It isn’t simply the cancelation of Clone Wars that drove a wedge between myself and the entertainment juggernaut I’ve been ambivalent to apathetic about since I reached the age of ten, it’s the abruptness of it all. When Disney forced Clone Wars onto the guillotine and let that blade rip the cut was far from clean. Sure, sure, that thing is definitely dead, but there are tendons and sinews and muscles hanging to and fro, clinging from a blood spurting neck to a cold pale head like a stubborn hangnail.

Story tendons and narrative sinews and plot muscles! Clinging from a blood spurting neck of five awesome seasons to the cold pale head of a future cut short by Mickey godamn Mouse!

Since the brilliant season five finale, which has since become series finale, Dave Filoni has gone on record as to say that he finds the ending of Ahsoka’s story appropriate and in a lot of ways he’s right. It was an effective, moving ending that sent the young warrior off into the sunset toward an uncertain future free of the murky morality of the Jedi order. The series finale gave viewers a definite conclusion to a large chapter of Ahsoka’s life while leaving the horizon wide open for future chapters.

Which is great or whatever, I guess. But Ahsoka isn’t the only character on The Clone Wars.

Sure we know what happens to Anakin and Obi Wan and Yoda and all those rascals, and some long running characters like Pre Viszla and Dutchess Satine had their stories wrapped up neatly, but what about Cad Bane?

Its cool cause its noir.

Its cool cause its noiry.

Cad Bane is not only a blue cowboy monster, he’s also the reason I started watching Clone Wars – a compelling, original villain that snaps peoples necks and talks in a slow southern drawl. What’s not to like? Last we saw of Cad Bane he was sent to prison for like the hundredth time for trying to kidnap Palpetine. That’s it? He just finally stays in prison? We saw the hint of a Boba Fett team up in season four. Nothing on that front? Nice try, Disney.

And let’s not forget that after Darth Maul’s galactic onslaught Mandalore, the planet of Boba Fetts, is in a freaking awesome civil war! Boba Fetts versus Boba Fetts! Some of whom literally with horns! And that just sort of happens and then… goes away? Cool, yeah that’s great. I definitely didn’t care at all about a planet full of Boba Fetts killing the shit out of each other. So glad that got cut short.

And Captain Rex too. What about that guy? Eh? Eh? We’ve seen the Captain doubt orders and eventually even go against them when his morals conflict with their end result. Are we to just assume he throws that doubt to the wind and slaughters Jedi left and right come Order 66.

Are we to assume, Disney? Are we to assume?!

And of course my personal favorite loose end, Maul. After the rampant publicity, criticism and outrage surrounding the Phantom Menace villain’s return from the dead The Clone Wars pulled off the impossible and made his revival worthwhile, while simultaneously improving on the stoic character tenfold. The epic finale to Maul’s last arc not only left Mandalore in shambles, it may have been the greatest episode the series’ has ever produced. But when it wrapped up the vicious, cunning Maul had lost what power he’d gained and lay begging at the feet of Darth Sidious who exclaimed “I’m not going to kill you. I have other uses for you.”

Look out behind you cool guys! It's a load of bullshit, courtesy of Disney.

Man it sure would have been lame to have let this continue…

Is there a line for people who are glad that we may never figure out what those uses are? Because I’d love to be at the front. Because I’m so godamn glad I’ll never get to find out what those uses are because that would be dumb and I way prefer being left hanging as payment for my years of loyalty to a show for godamn ten year olds!

However, this can all be remedied. All of these questions and characters can be revisited against a new and exciting backdrop should Disney decide that Star Wars: Rebels is set in the early section of that nineteen-year timespan between Episodes III and IV. Is it a stretch to catch up with these guys ten or fifteen years later? Maybe. But two or three years after the end of the Clone Wars? Works for me, yo. And if they want me to suspend my blood feud with the Disney Corporation, the Disney Channel and the Disney Family they will be very interested in what works for me. Yo.

Or they could set it in the mid to late section of those nineteen years and we can all frolic about on Saturday mornings at the prospect of watching animated Leah hone her political skills and animated Luke bull’s-eye womp rats in his stupid T-16. Boy wouldn’t that be great.

Do the right thing Disney. Give me more horns and robot legs and brutal murders on a kid’s television show. Give me more Maul.

Or so help me God I will tweet Downey Jr. and tell him not to do Avengers 2. I will tweet Downey Jr. so godamn hard.