Pit Stop After Infinity War, or, Fifty Outcomes

It’s out! It’s out! Infinity War is out! And I saw it! Twice! And now the bill has come due and I’ve got to live up to the fifty predictions I made for the film just before going into the theater opening night. I got basically everything and the stuff I didn’t correctly predict is absolutely there in the subtext, so without further adieu, enjoy how impressive I am!

 

 

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Thor and Black Panther “King High-Five”
I mean… maybe off-screen?

2. Ebony Maw is horrifying
This is a bit of a gimme, since he was a total creep with his creepy little “shush” finger in the trailer, but whatever punks, called it!

3. Cap and Doctor Strange “Steve High-Five”
This is a sore one as not only did Cap and Doc not “Steve High-Five,” I also failed to predict that Star-Lord and Spider-Man would “Peter High-Five” and on top of that Star-Lord and Spider-Man didn’t “Peter High-Five”

4. Cull Obsidian turns to camera and says “remember when my name was Black Dwarf? Anyway, where’s Supergiant?
Look all I’m saying is I didn’t understand a word that doofus said, so I’m probably wrong, but, I mean, you don’t know

5. Tony and Doctor Strange “Facial Hair High-Five” a.k.a. “kiss”
Okay I’m “wrong” in the sense that they didn’t actually kiss, but I’m right in the sense that they actually came really, really close

6. Lando shows up
I found this blockbuster both as thought-provoking and as infuriatingly Lando-less at The Last Jedi

7. Hela lives! #goddessofdeath #Avengers4
If I’m being real, this theory was based on Hela replacing the role of Death from Infinity Gauntlet in Infinity War, but if I’m being petty… juries still out suckers!

8. Surely someone makes fun of the name Proxima Midnight
Seemed like a dead-ringer and than no one in Thanos’ Black Order, or the Black Order itself, ever got name checked, aside from Ebony Maw getting the illustrious “half-name-drop”

9. That GD soul stone is in Wakanda whether they know it or not!
Swing and a miss!

10. By the time the movie starts Thanos has already murdered Glen Close and John C. Riley
“Blah, blah, blah Xandar, blah, blah, blah last week.” -Thor. Boom.

11. Tony quips. Cut to: Thanos making “Jim” face
Tempted as I am to try and claim “Jim” face just means a purple face, I can admit when I’m wrong

12. The real Hawkeye was the friends we made along the way
Prove me wrong.

13. Bucky is very unhappy with Cap’s beard and he’s not to keen on his facial hair either
Inconclusive

14. Bucky gets to work on a jealousy beard and starts growing out his facial hair too
Slightly less inconclusive, but he’s got stubble and he certainly had a moment with that racoon!

15. Tony and Pepper already divorced
Even though they didn’t say it’s their first wedding, I’ll own up to this one

16. Red Skull has something to do with something somehow
Alright come on, this one was pretty freaking impressive

17. Vision just gets totally #*%@ed over by the whole mind stone thing
I mean, obviously, but still

18. Groot experimenting with recreation drug use, or the implication of as much
Video game addiction is a thing! But I guess it’s not a drug…

19. The Guardians’ various space-gibberish languages revealed at last!
I’m just saying I did genuinely think this would be a thing

20. Rocket bullies the shit out of Thor
Who’da thunk?

21. Scarlett Witch? She’s just kind of there
Wouldn’t ya know it, the ol’ Witch arguably had more to do than ever before. Spooky!

22. No one invites Ant-Man to the war and when he confronts everyone about it they’re all like “oh you weren’t there? We thought you were just tiny” but they didn’t, they knew
I mean… half right.

23. Justin Hammer saves the day, again
Apparently we’ll have to wait until Avengers 4 to find out… all I’m saying is, Rockwell’s got that Best Supporting Actor Heat

24. Peter Parker still a virgin
Prove me wrong, I dare you

25. Some crafty backpedaling regarding the ol’ Aether
Not a word! Just go with it I guess?

26. Joke or jokes made at the expense of Bruce Banner’s penis
Seemed reasonable at the time

27. Nobody notices Black Widow changed her hair
Boom!

28. No explanation of Thanos’ hat provided
So what? He get’s the space stone and all the sudden he doesn’t need a hat anymore? So it’s, what? A space hat? Huh? Huh?

29. Banner Hulks out in the Hulkbuster armor and is like “Hulk bust!” or some shit
Nope!

30. We find out who bought Avengers tower and it’s just sort of whoever
Nada!

31. Anthony Mackie kills it
Briefly, but I’ll take it!

32. Someone calls Rhodie “Iron Pants,” then remembers he’s disabled, and feels like a dick
But somebody probably thought it

33. Gamora stabs someone or something to death
Thanks, reality stone. More like “BS” stone, amiright? #aether

34. Nebula and Bucky “Metal Arm High-Five”
I don’t think anyone ever high-fived in this whole god-forsaken movie

35. The Outriders are way creepier on film than in LEGO
Look, those LEGOs aren’t creep at all, so, right by default

36. Someone makes fun of Thanos’ chin right to his face
Huzzah!

37. Peter Quill’s Zune has transformed him into an insufferable hipster
Mark my words, they’re holding on to this for Guardians Vol. 3

38. Nobody says anything about the Agents of SHIELD TV show and nobody cares
I said predictions, not impressive predictions

39. Nobody says anything about any of the Netflix Marvel shows and some people care for a second but then they GTFOver it
Not an immortal weapon in sight!

40. Groot in Infinity War is a third Groot and the Baby Groot from Guardians Vol. 2 died off screen and if nothing in the movie explicitly contradicts this than I’m right
Called it!

41. Wong and Thanos go way back
I’m just thinking about prequel sitcom spin-offs here

42. An Avenger gets the gauntlet, but, like, in a bad way?
Not yet anyway…

43. Dinosaurs, surely somehow dinosaurs. Or at least a shark or dragon
Sorry, you did what with the time stone? Anything but bring dinosaurs back alive? Oh, oh okay, sure. Sure, real realistic. Oh brother

44. When Thanos finally gets out of his space chair he puts his hands on his knees and goes “ooooooooooph”
Definitely offscreen though

45. Loki not happy about Cap or Bucky’s beards and he’s not to keen on their facial hair either I’m here all week
Yeah, yeah… rule of threes though!

46. All the white Avengers constantly embarrass Rhodie and Falcon in Wakanda
I mean… didn’t they though? Just in a not funny way?

47. Thor is missing an eye and I’m pretty sure Rocket and Groot stole an eye from the Ravagers and I’m just saying this specific prediction is actually cool and good!
I mean, c’mon! Pretty, pretty, pretty impressive. Maybe not a Ravager, maybe. But c’mon. This should count for all 50

48. Nick Fury finds a way to creep out of a dark corridor even though everyone’s on, like, $&@#ing Pluto
Nope, he just creeps out of the dark and into our hearts and souls in this one

49. Someone acknowledges Mantis
Mantis actually had, like, stuff to do in this movie!

50. Thanos is at least 38
Inconclusive, but you sure as shit ain’t going to convince me he’s 37

 

Come back next year for, I don’t know, like 100 predictions for Avengers 4? Maybe some Ant-Man & the Wasps predictions in July? This is so much easier than baking hot takes.

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The Mauve Knight, or, Avengers: Infinity War

There aren’t any specific spoilers for Infinity War below, but if I hadn’t seen the film I wouldn’t read it. You can check out some of my pre-viewing predictions for the movie, which I’ll be returning to on Monday to grade for correctness in a separate post, here.

infinitywar

CHIN ATTACK

Watching the 18 preceeding Marvel films before going into Avengers: Infinity War gave me an appreciation for the myriad character narratives that wind throughout the franchise, with huge developments often happening for characters in movies that don’t even bare their name. For instance, some of the most compelling moments in Iron Man’s development throughout the MCU have been in the likes of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War and Spider-Man: Homecoming. Black Panther has a huge moment of clarity in Civil War. Black Widow has an arc all her own despite never having an eponymous film. You never know how consequential any given Marvel film will be for any given Marvel character, and so going into Infinity War I was very curious what it would contribute to some of these individual characters’ narratives, what this chapter would mean in the book of Iron Man, or Black Panther, or Captain America.

I was pretty surprised when the answer was, sort of, kind of, not a lot. That’s not a barometer for the quality of the film, mind you, and it isn’t to say that consequential things don’t happen, but there aren’t a dearth of defining character beats for our heroes. There are simply so many that no one Avenger has a particularly verbose arc. I thought there’d be more Cap. More T’Challa. More Tony. And despite loving the film, I found myself wondering who exactly it was about.

But that’s actually pretty obvious.

Avengers: Infinity War could have just as easily, and more aptly, been dubbed Thanos: Infinity War, because Josh Brolin’s Mad Titan is the protagonist of the film.

In The Last Jedi (don’t worry I promise I don’t have another hot take) Supreme Leader Snoke makes a comment to Kylo Ren bemoaning the existence of hope. Not hope in the Jedi, or hope in the Resistance. Just straight up hope. It’s an exchange that drives me bananas because it rings so flat and so dull, because it is such an utterly villainous sentiment, as if Snoke is going out of his way to be a villain. It’s a sentiment that makes it seem like Snoke is not only a villain to our heroes, but a villain to himself, as if he is primed and ready to unironically grab the mic and announced “well my name’s rappin’ Snoke and I’m here to say it’s fun to rap in an evil way.”

Thanos, inversely, is no such arch-villain. In fact he’s not entirely dissimilar to Tony Stark. Both operate under the assumption that they have been, as Loki would say, “burdened with glorious purpose.” They have lofty, conceptual ideas of morality and salvation and equally lofty, conceptual notions for achieving those ends. There are certainly parallels of egomaniacal do-goodery between Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet and Stark’s Ultron program.

Part of what makes Thanos’ pursuit so compelling, what makes him a perverse, distorted protagonist (not hero, mind you), is that it doesn’t seem like he even necessarily wants to be doing what he’s doing. He’s possessed by the notion that controlled destruction is the only way to save life from utter annihilation and that he, like a great cosmic martyr, will foot the bill of that heinous but necessary sin on his own soul for the good of life itself. He seeks to save life from itself at his own expense.

There is no time then, to plumb the depths of the likes of Tony and Steve and T’Challa once more, because if Thanos is the protagonist of Infinity War, the antagonist is the entirety of the Marvel Cinematic Universe as we know it. Every one of the heroes in this movie has run deep in some previous film and thus, at least so far as the long term Marvel audience is concerned, they do not need to here. Here, in Thanos’ story, their purpose is to be short-sighted, to lack the will and purpose to make the sort of sacrifices the film’s true protagonist is prepared to demand of himself, to lack scope beyond themselves in space and time. They’re henchmen, the lot of them. Obstacles. And to see them relegated to as much before Thanos is frightening and distressing, all the more so because Thanos is our twisted protagonist.

How do you bring together twenty-something protagonists from six or so separate film series? You flip the script and dare them all to stop one protagonist from acquiring the dopest MacGuffin ever. If this were the last film in Marvel’s phase three I’d be unhappy, but as the penultimate chapter before much of the MCU’s inaugural class purportedly graduates, Infinity War upends the MCU in exciting ways with a villain whose six-year build up does not disappoint.

Road to Infinity War – Ant-Man, or, So Much More Than Just Perfect Timing

Oh I did it fam. In preparation for my viewing of Avengers: Infinity War on April 26th at 7PM, I went back and rewatched the previous 18 films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from Iron Man to Black Panther. Every day leading up to Infinity War I’ll be posting a short piece on each film and my most recent hot takes on nearly a decade of the MCU. I’ll also be linking back to whatever old nonsense I wrote about the movies at the time, if applicable. And if that isn’t enough, check out my ranked listed of the MCU to date on my Letterboxd account here.

ant-man

Tried. So. Hard. To find the version of this poster that is just Michael Peña and Bobby Cannavale.

Ant-Man was instantly the perfect pallet cleanser after Avengers: Age of Ultron. Coming out so quickly after the second Avengers film I still wasn’t completely admitting my disappointment with that movie when I first saw this one. I didn’t know how to feel about Age of Ultron, but I instantly felt a fondness for Ant-Man. It’s charming and fun and it never once threatens to utterly collapse in on itself under its own weight, instead focusing in on likely the smallest (yeah, yeah) stakes we’ve seen in from the MCU.

Which is a good thing.

But rewatching Ant-Man, it’s so much more than just a welcome respite from the cacophony of its immediate predecessor. Ant-Man explodes with style and flavor. Quick pans. Brilliant montages. Cops and crooks with competing motivations. Christophe Beck’s sneaky, percussive score. Ant-Man commits to the heist genre in earnest, lending it the authenticity of a heist film that happens to have a superhero in it, rather than the artificiality of a superhero film that shoehorns in a few heist movie gimmicks.

Upon its initial release Ant-Man drew myriad comparisons to the first Iron Man film, allegations that it was the same cookie with different icing, traced from the same stencil with a different pen. Similar obligations were later lobbed at Doctor Strange, which I will similarly whine about when I write about that movie again in, like, two days. Such comparisons require an incredibly broad view of the films in question. I won’t bore you with a laundry list of discrepancies here, but, to my mind, the most compelling difference between the two films is the position in society from which its protagonists hail.

Where Tony Stark is a billionaire tasked with taking responsibility for his immense economic power, Scott Lang is a recently freed convict who can’t hold down a job at Baskin-Robbins. His is a new low for heroic status quos in the MCU, and one that begs some interesting questions about how morality and justice shift and distort with size and scope. When we meet Scott Lang he’s paid the penal price and continues to pay a societal price for crimes that come nowhere close to the collateral damage caused by Tony Stark’s misguided creation of a maniacal artificial intelligence. Scott Lang is certainly established as having a moral compass, but Ant-Man largely concerns him being forced into the position of a shrinking superhero because, justified or not, society will not let him live a normal life.

With that in mind, though I’d hoped to focus on just how good this film is in its own right, Ant-Man serves not only as the perfect follow-up to Age of Ultron, but also as an excellent thematic primer for Captain America: Civil War.

There’s some issues that keep Ant-Man in the middle of the pack for me, specifically its nonsense villain and the unbearable “protection clause” cop-out it levies against Evangeline Lilly’s Hope van Dyne (though that looks to be mended with the upcoming Ant-Man and the Wasp).

Ant-Man was one of the Marvel movies I was least looking forward to rewatching. I’ve never disliked the film, but I couldn’t get myself excited to watch it again. It was also one of the films that surprised me the most in just how much it exceeded by remembered notions of it. I may not have been looking forward to rewatching it, but once I popped it in I had an absolute blast. This is a really fun, entertaining movie that doesn’t get enough credit for its adept execution of style and the nuance of scale it lends to the franchise as a whole.

All of this is to say: Michael Peña, am I right? Michael. Peña.

For more Ant-Man ramblings, with admittedly less to say, from the time of the film’s initial release:

August 5, 2015: Perfect Timing, or, Ant-Man

Road to Infinity War – Avengers: Age of Ultron, or, The Selfless Marvel

Oh I did it fam. In preparation for my viewing of Avengers: Infinity War on April 26th at 7PM, I went back and rewatched the previous 18 films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from Iron Man to Black Panther. Every day leading up to Infinity War I’ll be posting a short piece on each film and my most recent hot takes on nearly a decade of the MCU. I’ll also be linking back to whatever old nonsense I wrote about the movies at the time, if applicable. And if that isn’t enough, check out my ranked listed of the MCU to date on my Letterboxd account here.

ageofultron

Whoa! Look at all the stuff!

After the first Avengers film and the conclusion of phase one of the Marvel Cinematic Universe the concept of the shared movie universe seemed like a proven, cut-and-dry formula: small, enjoyable-enough “solo” movies with charming characters that slowly pave the way for a climactic collision of costumes rewarding audiences for biding their time through Avengers hanging out by themselves and not avenging. For better and worse that all kind of falls apart with Age of Ultron and Marvel’s second phase.

Like Iron Man 2 before it, Age of Ultron serves as a sort of sign post for a point of no return, an alarm for when certain storytelling strategies have been worn out. In this case, Age of Ultron represents the last time Marvel could get by on quips and costumes alone. There’s certainly joy to be had from Joss Whedon’s sassy one-liners and the reunion of our heroes is undoubtedly action-packed, but this isn’t a direct sequel to The Avengers, this is a film that has to contend with the more organic humor of Guardians of the Galaxy and the more physical action of The Winter Soldier and ultimately comes up short on both accounts.

As it turned out, those enjoyable-enough solo movies could be astonishing, and those climactic collisions of costumes could be utterly unrewarding.

Age of Ultron feels like a response to Avengers and not much else. Where the first Avengers film built directly off of Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Thor and Captain America, nothing about Age of Ultron feels like a natural progression from Marvel’s second phase of films, be it narratively or stylistically. There are the compelling seeds of a story here, James Spader’s Ultron is quirky and menacing in his own strange way and the events of this film present compelling and integral moments in the grand story arc of Tony Stark, but whatever Whedon’s initial vision for his follow-up to Avengers was, it gets muddied in translation by what feel like corporate mandates.

This is the least self-contained film in the Marvel Universe due in large part to its seeming lack of concern with itself. Age of Ultron introduces a slew of new characters, goes legitimately all over the world and sets up threads for three or four future MCU installments, but it doesn’t allot much of its running time to just be itself. It’s a very selfless movie that way, and it suffers for it, coming off like a film without an identity of its own.

Because so much of this movie is so expository, most of the characters wind up being short changed, leading to an Avengers outing that feels like less than the sum of its parts. At times Age of Ultron feels like a party that’s being thrown in order to disguise doing chores. The party being an Avengers movie. The chores being tedious and, in retrospect, entirely unnecessary setup for the MCU’s future. There are some great sequences in this movie and some genuinely funny moments, but it certainly hit the brakes on the exciting momentum the MCU had been building since The Winter Soldier.

And now for a look back at the morning after I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, a point in which I am both not yet prepared to admit my disappointment with this movie and compelled by a sense of duty to write something about this movie:

May 1, 2015: Avengers: Age of Ultron, or, Marvel’s Big Comic Book Movie

Road to Infinity War – Iron Man, or, Quipman Begins

Oh I did it fam. In preparation for my viewing of Avengers: Infinity War on April 26th at 7PM, I went back and rewatched the previous 18 films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from Iron Man to Black Panther. Every day leading up to Infinity War I’ll be posting a short piece on each film and my most recent hot takes on nearly a decade of the MCU. I’ll also be linking back to whatever old nonsense I wrote about the movies at the time, if applicable. And if that isn’t enough, check out my ranked listed of the MCU to date on my Letterboxd account here.

ironman

“Next time, baby!”

The first time I saw Iron Man was on the back of an airplane headrest. I’d already seen Incredible Hulk, which was cool, but not even Ed Norton proved to be a charming as this sassy middle-aged man I was entirely unfamiliar with. I mean, Iron Man was no Dark Knight, but it was fun as hell, and at just shy of ten-years-old it’s holding up pretty well.

Iron Man remains an endearing film not because of the modern blockbuster establishment it spawned or because of its kind of womanizing, Ed Hardy, hot-rod machismo and aesthetic, but because of the simple and compelling story it tells courtesy of screenwriters Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, Art Marcum and Matt Holloway.

Robert Downey Jr. is a powerhouse and his performance as Tony Stark has only gotten better since the first Iron Man, but since then we’ve seen Tony Stark show up in enough movies to know that RDJ alone does not ingratiate a Marvel film to audiences and fans. What makes Iron Man sing all these years down the line is the story of a person who had been afforded the privilege of coasting through life being forced to fight for survival and coming out the other end fundamentally changed.

Tony Stark is a man of inherent gifts to be sure, but he’s also a man born into circumstances that ask nothing of him or those gifts. When we meet Stark his genius is a like a party trick. At best it’s a hobby. It’s a cool thing he can do that helps him get by with style. He gets to tinker and invent because he likes it and he’s good at it and when you’re a billionaire you can do whatever the hell you want.

But in Iron Man, Tony Stark suddenly has to tinker and invent to survive. He has to tinker and invent or die. It’s a story about someone who’s given one last opportunity to be their best self and takes it, a story about offering the world one’s absolute best instead of just the bare minimum.

You spice that bad boy up with RDJ’s quips and Jeff Bridges and you got yourself a stew worth reheating to this very day.

Avengers: Age of Ultron, or, Marvel’s Big Comic Book Movie

Superhero movies are nothing new. Long before everyone and their mother decided they needed a “shared-universe” Superman and Howard the Duck were running around on the big screen to the delight and chagrin of moviegoers. But in a lot of ways Avengers: Age of Ultron feels like the first full-on comic book movie.

BIG ATTACK

BIG ATTACK

It’s all there. From the exciting feeling that any one of dozens of characters could pop up just around the corner to the dead weight of ever-imposing continuity, viewing the second Avengers movie is like reading one of DC or Marvel’s massive semi-annual, line-wide , status-quo altering crossover spectaculars. And it comes with all of the same highlights and hindrances of a big comic book event.

Characters from across the Marvel Universe are brought together to interact with one another, be it with clever quips or exciting fisticuffs. There’s all kinds of fun pairings to be had, all in the face of massive, eye-popping set pieces and world-threatening antagonism.

But that epic comic book event scope comes at a cost on film just as it does on the page. The places Age of Ultron goes are huge, explosive and over-the-top. By the monstrous climax of the movie even Hawkeye points out the ridiculousness of it all. It’s spectacular and ludicrous and getting their in two hours requires a few lapses in logic. The same type of lapses found in massive event comics that have to condense a fight for the entire known universe into six issues. Age of Ultron is a fun, exciting ride from A to Z, but it makes that journey in way fewer than 25 steps and it isn’t graceful enough to cover up the letters it missed along the way.

A lot of that is because, much like a major comic book event, Age of Ultron is up to its neck in mythology. I feel confident asserting that Age of Ultron has to contend with more mythology than any other film ever made. It’s the eleventh film in a series that simultaneously has to react to not only its own direct predecessor but also a half dozen other sub-franchises while simultaneously setting up not only its own direct sequel but half a dozen others.

Just a couple of dreamy teens.

Just a couple of dreamy teens.

It’s a lot to grapple with and Age of Ultron doesn’t always do it flawlessly. A lot of the bigger moments wind up feeling a little out of left field and I find myself left with questions I don’t suspect there are particularly compelling answers to.

But Age of Ultron isn’t just like a big, brash comic book event. It’s like a really good, big, brash comic book event. The new characters introduced here are exciting. James Spader’s Ultron is fascinating and entertaining and menacing. The movie is consistently hilarious, the cast always charming and the dialogue sharp. The little, intimate moments in Age of Ultron are fantastic.

I recently posted a piece on Daredevil in which I put forth my opinion that the show is very much Marvel’s take on a DC movie, much as Winter Soldier was a Marvel political thriller and The Incredible Hulk was a Marvel fugitive movie. I suspect the most obvious argument to put forward for Age of Ultron is that it’s Marvel’s artificial intelligence movie, but more than anything before it Avengers: Age of Ultron is very much Marvel’s quintessential comic book movie.

13 Going on 15, or, 2015: The Year The Geek Bubble Bursts

This post requires something of a prologue. I wrote it over a year ago, in the last few weeks of 2013, and wound up deciding it might be more effective if I sat on it for a year. It details my sneaking suspicion that in 2015 pop culture at large just might start to get sick of all the superheroes and zombies and science fiction that have dominated movies and television so successfully for the past several years. I’m finally posting it now because not only do I still stand by the sentiments illustrated below, I’d also argue they are more pertinent now than they were a year ago. That being said, a few of the release dates aren’t accurate anymore. I know Dawn of Justice isn’t coming out in 2015 anymore. But alternatively, this piece doesn’t include things that have been announced since then: Agent Carter, the various Marvel Netflix series, the Supergirl TV show, etc. With all of that in mind, prologue over.

The beginning of the end!?!?!?!

The beginning of the end!?!?!?!

I’m not sure I even knew who Iron Man was in 2007. I certainly hadn’t heard the name Tony Stark though. Nor did I know of Robert Downey Jr. Today, however, I’m inclined to suspect that if you ask even a remotely aware kindergartener who Robert Downey Jr. is they’d say “Iron Man.”

Geek Culture has made its way from the bowels of Cheeto-dusted, collectible-packed basements across suburban sprawls out into the world at large, taking over mainstream culture one superhero-zombie-space-graphic-novel-TV-movie at a time. An in-depth knowledge of alternate X-Men timelines, Justice League line ups and science fiction auteurs, a scarlet letter in decades past, has become something of a badge of honor in the new millennium.

But circa 2013 a working knowledge of Batman’s rogues gallery isn’t so much cool anymore as it is just sort of expected. The takeover is complete. The geeks have inherited the Earth. But the saturation continues and it’s only a matter of time before the bubble bursts, Geek Culture overstays its welcome and the mainstream beats it back into plastic display cases in derelict storage units like an old Elvis pinball machine.

“When is this bubble going to burst?” you ask breathlessly, mind racing through stocks you need to liquidate, real estate you need to repossess and motorcycles you and Lamar need to repo.

Much as wish I could say that mainstream culture will embrace the nerd with arms open wide until the sun explodes and fries us all off of this Earth I cannot tell a lie every once in a while. And this is one of those whiles.

2015 is going to make or break the whirlwind courtship between geek culture and all the rest of culture.

Wasn’t it cool when Marvel pulled off the impossible last summer and brought together four separate movie franchises to in The Avengers? Will it be as impressive the second time when The Avengers: Age of Ultron hits theaters summer 2015? I don’t know. Will it be as exciting? Probably not.

But Avengers 2 won’t be the only superhero team up on the docket come 2015. DC Entertainment is set to release their Superman vs. Batman flick that same summer. Alternatives are great I guess, but didn’t the Batman movies just end a year ago? And we’ve already got another one?

Who cares? They’re already going to be rebooting the Fantastic Four earlier that year anyway. And you won’t even have time to worry about all that because right after you walk out of the theater from Batman 6 vs. Superman 3 you’ll need to get in line for, drum roll, Star Wars Episode VII. Arguably already the cinematic event of 2015, Star Wars is sure to garner massive amounts of money and press alike.

 

Not that that will stop movies like Assassin’s Creed, Terminator 5, Independence Day 2, Prometheus 2 or Jurassic Park IV aka Jurassic World from coming out. You’re going to want to be hoping on the Wikipedia pages of a few multimedia entertainment franchises for a refresher. You might want to start now. But you’re going to want to take a break on Sunday nights so that you can stay up to date on AMC’s The Walking Dead. After all, there’s a spinoff coming our way in 2015.

And you’re DVR is going to be busy because between now and then comic books are poised to take over television. Do you like Arrow? The CW show that follows the adventures of Green Arrow? Good. Because this season guess who’s popping up on Arrow – the Flash. And come 2015 he’s going to spinoff into his own television show.

But the CW doesn’t have all the DC goods. NBC announced the development of a series based on John Constantine. You know, the terrible Keanu movie. But don’t worry, they’ll be some A-list DC television adaptations as well. Literally in immediate response to Marvel’s television show, Agents of Shield, which I’m sure we’ll still be kicking come 2015, DC announced the development of Gotham, a show on FOX focusing on Jim Gordon’s early years on the GCPD.

It’s a lot to take in even for those of us in the thick of geek culture, but to the outsider looking in who likes to watch a superhero movie every now and then or catch the Walking Dead on Netflix when they have a free moment will 2015 prove to be too much geek?

I personally am pumped as hell for more Batman and Superman and Avengers and Star Wars and Jurassic Park and maybe you are too. I cannot wait. But come 2015 are kids on the football team and in marching band and drama and auto tech all going to be sporting Batman shirts through the hallways at school?

I don’t know, man.

It’s only so long before the rest of the world gets fed up with entertainment that ties into a fistful of associated comics, graphic novels, video games, prequels and sequels. Tent poles are great until you want to go outside.

2015.